HJE Super Secret Decoder Ring (VOLVELLE)
“What the hell is this?”
“It’s the Genuine Epstein’s Super Secret Decoder Ring?”
“Decoder Ring? What do I need that for?”
“Epstein’s is going to start offering deals that are coded in secret messages and the only way to get access to them is with one of these wheels.”
“Go on.”
“They’ll post a code like, “OSSP UYGL QE OSEKLV”. When you decipher the message and put it in the coupon box when you checkout something magical will happen.”
“Will it heal my lower back?”
“No sir, but you’ll get access to super secret discounts on all sorts of USA made products.”
“Sounds too good to be true. What’s the catch?”
“It costs $9.95 and you have to be smart enough to use it.”
“Tell me more random facts about this decoder thing-a-ma-bob.”
“Well, the historical term for this device is a volvelle, a two-disc spinny circle contraption that can do all sorts of things. Made right here in Kansas City by Hammpress, a local printing outfit, you can use these discs for a whole lot more than getting deals on tools. Come up with your own secret code and share it with your friends. So long as two people have two discs, there’s no telling what kinds of trouble you can get up to.”
“What does INK FOR SALX mean?”
“You’ll have to watch the video to find out.”
“Are you going to tell me how to use this thing?”
“Yup. There’s an instructional video coming soon that we’ll post on this page.”
“Is there anything else I should know before I buy my decoder ring?”
“Sure. If you want to be a full member of the Epstein’s Super Secret Society you have to go on garagejournal.com and create an account. Message me on there (jsackin) and I’ll be sure to sign you up.”
“What’s Garagejournal?”
“It’s a forum where people talk about tools all day. It’s great. You should check it out. Anyway, I don’t mean to be rude, but I’m going to lunch. If you have any other questions feel free to call or email. See ya!”
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